Mar. 26th, 2009

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a mcsweeney's i find particularly hilarious

Actual Examples of Model Conversational Phrases That the Travel Guide
Les Etats-Unis Dans Votre Poche: Edition Bilingue (Haiter, 1980) Felt Were So Central to the Experiences Likely to be Undergone by French Visitors to America That It Included Them on Its Companion Study Cassette Tape.

BY BETH MAYNARD

- - - -

* It's enough to make you sick.
* But these jumbo jets are quite comfortable.
* To put it in a nutshell, you can't escape the fact that you're a product of capitalist culture.
* Well, crash pads are kinds of very cheap hostels, or rather shelters where you can spend the night for 25 or 50 cents, sometimes for no charge at all.
* Yeah! I'll bet if you laid those burgers end-to-end they would reach to the moon. Let's go try one, shall we?
* Are you alluding to the multinational corporations?
* Where's the fine democratic American melting pot?
* Better keep our strength to investigate some of those famous Kentucky bourbons they serve around here.
* Mobile-home living has really come a long way.
* We often wonder what is the true design of that remarkable and monolithic society. Yours is a complex subject.
* I'm never lucky at these kinds of luck things.
* We're becoming homogenized, pasteurized robots.
* Hello! We're visitors in Chicago and we were noticing all these security precautions you take to protect your store. Is all this really necessary?
* If you really want to help us, Jim, let us manage our own affairs.
* All right, wage slave, don't get mad! Get back to your toil before they sack you for goldbricking!
* I found your great optimism, your vision of a rosy future, to be encouraging and, shall I say, "seductively" infectious. But I also expect that you and I have different eyeglasses when we look at the current world economy crisis.
* That's not expensive, honey, that's "Dream Whip."
* It's no secret that the CIA operates in South America mostly to protect American business interests. Witness that ugly disclosure, some time back, that the CIA helped overthrow President Allende in Chile to prevent nationalization of more U.S. firms there.
* Fascination indeed!
* I never dreamed they were so religious here.
* Hey, let's change the channel.

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